In the month of October 2017, we read HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN by PETER ENAHORO. We loved the humour and we decided to expand the stories by starting our own HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN SERIES – THE KAWE VERSION.
The Nigerian Neighbour by Sholape Abidakun.
In other parts of the world, when a family moves into a new house, neighbors around come visiting, bearing cookies and cake. They are also invited in and most times, friendships are born.
Not so in Nigeria. The Nigerian neighbour will watch you move in and it ends there. We are generally distrusting so there is never a hurry to become friends with your neighbours. Because once you let them in, it will be difficult to get them out.
Nevertheless, even if you don’t talk to your neighbours, they will still know everything about you; the school your children attend, what time you and your husband get home, name of your maid and God forbid your husband is a drunk.
Talk less of being single. If you’re male and have developed the habit of bringing different women, your neighbours will worry about your soul while also waiting for some baby mama drama.
If you’re single and female, they will wonder why you live alone, if you are the kept woman of a rich man and when you will get married.
However, please note that you can make enemies of someone you’ve never spoken to before. If you’re having a party (house warming, birthday, naming, wedding reception, burial ceremony, party for the sake of it), you must invite your neighbors. Even if every fiber in you is praying they don’t attend. You must invite to fulfil all righteousness. It doesn’t matter that you have never entered their house. Or that they will not call you if your house is on fire. Just invite them.
Now this doesn’t mean all neighbours are bad. Some are quite okay, once you’ve invited them to your house and they want to know where you got those ‘nice couches’. You can also borrow from neighbors. A pack of matches here, a candle there and a frying pan there.
So advice on dealing with the Nigerian neighbour – Don’t expect warmth and genuine welcome into the neighbourhood. Smile and nod when you pass by. If they are carrying face, please face the other side also. God no go vex.
The great and AWESOME Sholape, a lawyer and writer, joined Kawe in December. She loves horror movies and books, favorite author is Stephen King. She can’t stand romance movies, yet sheds a tear or two while watching Death scenes.
Follow her on INSTAGRAM – @DESOLAPE